The Nevaeh Agency

When it comes to the matter of Heaven, not one belief system on Earth has figured out the protocols. When religious leaders presume to know what Heaven is all about, the Celestial Powers are less than pleased, and frequently pissed. There is a special place resembling an office of the Department of Motor Vehicles. There they would spend a century appealing for why they should go to Heaven. If they showed humility, they would be admitted. If they clung to their pride, well, that would be unfortunate.

Heaven is in fact a collaborative work of the countless Celestial Beings. No one has even been barred entry for believing in the wrong diety, nor have atheists. That may partially because the expression on a dead atheist's face when they arrive at Heaven's entrance is simply precious. Even Satanists are welcome, though they are given the option to visit the realm of their lord. In the end which direction a soul is headed is based on how one lived their lives and treated others. This is generally a rude awakening for those who arrive in the Purgatory Offices to appeal their rejection from Heaven.

There is also a great deal of confusion on the mortal plane regarding the architecture of Heaven. For most followers of Christ, there are two primary visualizations: a paradise constructed of clouds filled with cherubs, hymns, and harps or else a great manor with precious stone walls, pearly gates, and golden streets. Both are incorrect structural nightmares, and the angels of the Lord very much resent being compared to chubby white babies with tiny wings and diapers. Angelic Sapiens come in every skintone, shape, and size as homosapiens.

Then there is a very wide spread misconception that short of death one can never glimpse Heaven, Paradise, Valhalla, of whatever your flavor is. This is not the case. Though Heaven and Hell exist outside time and space, most of the human race has glimpsed both at some point in the realm of dreams. Damnation and Salvation are both custom constructed based on one's subconscious desires or dreads

There is also a back door into Heaven.  It is an elevator in the headquarters of The Nevaeh Agency, the Earthly office of the angels, and requires a halo interface to open .. For a long time the angels tried to avoid meddling in the affairs of their wingless brethren in order to uphold the concept of free will, given to them by the almighty. Then the Spear of Longinus fell into the hands of a bitter German painter named Adolf. With the sudden influx of 13 million souls and war casualties in a surprisingly small time frame, the powers that be agreed to have a presence on earth.

Thus the Nevaeh Agency was founded in a secret location outside of Roswell, New Mexico, just after Christmas in 1946. Unfortunately in July an Angelic Saint caused a small commotion by flying while intoxicated and throwing her halo around. The Nevaeh Agency became technically public, though few could deduct much about them. As far as the public knew, the Nevaeh Agency was a surveillance group involved with INTERPOL.

It is in this building that a new scripture begins, just after the feast of Saint Brigid, who happened to be the angelic saint previously discussed. That said, as she was nursing what she referred to as a "Hell of a Hangover", some interpretation and identification is required for the people she identifies in the minutes she recorded that day. Gabe, is obviously, shorthand for Gabriel the Archangel. At some point the figure "Superstar" appears, and this refers to Jesus Christ, the son of God. Then there is the unfortunately named Fi'ekal, the Metatron who speaks for God. The Angelic Saint believes it is hilarious to refer to him as variants of "Fecal" so he appears in the minutes as "Poop".

Date: 2/2/1999 Post Mordem

Subject: Conceptualization; The Second

Poop: Thank you for coming on such short notice, Gabriel. Was I interupting something important?

Gabe: No, ah, I was taking in a ballet. You said it was important?

Poop: Indeed. Afterall, one of your responsibilities as ordained by our lord the Almighty is Annunciation.

Gabe: You mean to say-

Poop: A woman of twenty-eight has conceived immaculately.

Gabe: Are you sure? At that age? Does she not have a lover? I mean I suppose she could be a virgin-

Poop: She is not a virgin, as she has had assisted orgasms.

Gabe: So perhaps her lover is the father?

Poop: Marion Christi has never known the touch of a man. She has been involved with her lover, Justine Brady, since she was fourteen years old.

Gabe: Oh.

Gabe: How did this-I mean I know we were expecting the Second Coming to arrive next year but I figured it would be...

Poop: Jesus H. Christ, the Return Tour. So did we all.

Gabe: So is he going to be born again? How will...

Superstar: I'm going to be a big brother! I'm going to have a baby sister!